15 September 2016
This is probably not going to be a useful read, as websites go, for anybody who doesn’t know me personally. The thatch is quite open though on this public site. May it be of some benefit.
I am working out how to express the Dharma in my life, after a 25-year relationship with an Order which has become increasingly problematic. Perhaps this context, free as it is of the Order in which I have been ordained, will be helpful in clarifying that. The angst of a post-modern Buddhist… 😉
I have become increasingly dismayed about the behaviour of a figurehead within the Order; and along with that concerned about the implications of certain specific views which are widely held within it, which I do not think conducive to serious practice. I doubt that I would say more here about the former, but may discuss various of the latter as the mood takes me.
Recently I have been along to a few sessions of a local group affiliated to Shenpen Hookham, which was interesting and where I was made very welcome. Her teaching has been very important within Triratna, as she has had to do with many of the serious meditators within the Order. I immediately appreciated how central formless practice is within her tradition, as it has been fundamental to my practice for many years now. It has unfortunately been very difficult to establish it within Triratna as an Order, although that is happening slowly. I also think that True Nature teachings are likely to be a more skillful means in the West than the rather plain presentation of anatta we have in the Order. In my ongoing work with individuals, I have found the apprehension of what sunyata might be is almost universally nihilistic, and this gives rise to unnecessary fear. Such True Nature teachings require a little more care in their initial presentation, but support people in their being where it counts, as their notion of who and what they are dissolves through practice.
Quickly I saw that my motives for seeking another group clarified and evaporated. I am not sure I need a social context any more, as I am increasingly inclined to solitary practice and perhaps the lifestyle of a Hermit. This though may be partly out of a sense that I cannot engage usefully enough within the Triratna context to make it worthwhile, and find myself increasingly out of sync with its culture. A sense I have that I am constantly working against a pseudo-Buddhist ethos. I also saw quickly that it was inappropriate to expect to be able to offer any teaching or guidance within Shenpen’s tradition any time soon, without soaking myself in the whole process of that tradition for some time first. I have in mind too the unfortunate experience of David Smith within our Order, in this regard.
It is important to me to express Dharma, and I will find a way, but at the same time I am no leader or extrovert; I am used to public speaking and what teaching involves, but would in the end prefer to significantly affect just one person, rather than be buddhist entertainment for many. The Dharma is truly liberation from suffering, but it is so subtle, so ‘outside’ of all things and expressions, that one might not be blamed for being rendered mute by the difficulties of offering it adequately.